I had a totally creepy experience today. Some guy at this club called P3 used soem sort of... mind control or something on me. Twas really freaky. Thank god whats-her-face... Piper Halli... Halliwheel? I don't know. Anyways, thank god she can over and intervened. I just hope he doesn't go after her or that bartender who I am pretty sure is her sister.

Anywas, after that drama was over, this cute guy came up to me and asked if I wanted a drink. He was funny, and like I said, cute so after a while, I relented. Lenin (that's his name) didn't even care that I'm just a wee one. A minute after he ordered our drinks, he left. He looked like he was going to hurl, so I didn't try to stop him. Plus he left his shoe with me so... yeah. Kind of like Cinderella, eh? It was almost midnight too. Actually, it is midnight now... I should probably head home.

I need to think about getting a job... That should be fun. Heh.

The Voice is glad you managed to meet someone who seems nice, albeit a little strange. Bear in mind not to be too judgemental - not everybody here possesses magical powers!

So I was in my apartment, minding my own business when someone knocks on the door. It turned out to be Lenin, that guy I met at the club who gave me his shoe before he vanished. This was after the creepy dude had moved on to another prey.

Anyways, this were getting... how should I say... more comfortable when there was yet another knock on the door. Right now I am scared out of my whole being... It's that Kellan guy... He's at my door this very moment and I don't know what to do.

The book entitled 'Guide to Lower Level Demons' has to be wrong... You see, it lists 'shapeshifters' as demon... I am half shapeshifter, according to Erin. How the hell can this be? Am I... evil?

No.

I've been holding off on this journal entry. I didn't want to believe it... I think I really, really like her. Andrea... She so sweet and beautiful. I just want to hold her or her to hold me.

What am I thinking? What about Lenin? I don't think I care about him anymore... but I'm pretty sure, no, I know I liked him. I can't just forget about him. I still have his shoes, dammit! Ech. I don't want to deal with him. All I want is Andrea.

Wait, did I just say that? I want her? I know I've loved girls before, but I never thought it was in this way... What's become of me? She probably doesn't even like me like that...

Don't get me wrong, I've never been against the whole, 'like the same sex' thing, but me? I'm not a... am I? Ugh. This is just too confusing. I'll just leave now.

*The Voice catcalls.

Keep it up. The Voice enjoys.

Not that The Voice has an opinion on the matter.

She doesn't want me... She ran out right after that wonderful kiss, came back to see Lenin kissing me, missed me totally blowing him off, pretty much told me to fuck off, and doens;t seem to be coming to find me anytime soon.

I ran to a beach... a beautiful cliff where a fucking ghost pushed my off said cliff. Then I was sitting innocently crying again when a dolphin came up and scared the crap outta me. So I was all 'hey little guy!' and then he's like IN A POOL OF HIS OWN BLOOD because a shark came and bit him in half. So, I ran, left my shoes on the pier, went into a Random Hut and got a huge splinter in my foot.

Now I'm here. Fucking crying again.

I miss her... Andrea. I almost called her 'my Andrea'. She's not mine and she never will be. I might as well go back to that pier and see if that shark needs a second course.

Why would I want her to be mine anyways? I'm not... gay... Am I?


Shit. What am I going to do now?


I'm a... a lesbium...


Wait... lesbian? Or... no, lesbium.

Here I am with Andrea. In my bed... in my arms. There is nowhere else I'd rather be.

One little... not quite a problem, but yeah... I can't recall ever kissing anyone like this. I just don't remember ever being in a relationship before... from before I can remember. Was I? I might have... this whole thing just seems to knew to not be. Not just the 'with a girl' thing. That I am pretty ok with... I just don't know what I'm doing...

How can I not know? I'm freaking 18!

Andrea's gotten herself into another thing. As in DANGER! I hate her right now! How could she do this to me?!

OK, scratch that. I'm fucking sacred. I finally got the guts to kiss her and have really gotten to know her and she disappears. I shouldn;t have gone grocery shopping... or I should have dragged her along so she wouldn't be in the 'Underworld' right now, WHICH I can't get ot because I don't have a... transportation? power and I can't a spell since I'm not technically a witch. So screw it. She's as good as dead because i was too like, "Oh, I don't want her to be all... bored with me..." Fuck her being bored! At least she'd be safe!

What am I supposed to do? I've killed her, haven't I?

Any thoughts, Voice?

Yes. You've killed her.

Psyche!

The Voice does not make your decisions for you. Make 'em yourself. You stupid quitter.

So, it's been a while, non? Did you see how far down my Diray was on the list? Wait... what?

Anyways. Here I stand, outside Andrea's apartment. Fuck, I hope she;s there. I'd just... I don't know what I'd do if... if she got all, in danger again. Ah, woe. Stop thinking about that, Chloe. I don't really have anything to say. I haven;t spent any real alone time with Andrea since... well, since the first time. Or second. OK, no need to count.

I told her I loved her. Then I ran off to my apartment, leaving her in the hallway all alone. Then I flew off to nowhere and back. Had to think... actually, I barely thought at all. Maybe I needed to not think. Hum. Anyhow, here I am, waiting for and hoping Andrea will answer the door.

It's just been so damn long... Ack. Feels like... months. OK, I'll stop now.

So, just an update.

The Voice would think you two were so damn cute, could The Voice feel anything.

What would you do if she died? Get some friends. Loser.

After been attacked by a dead thing in the Cemetary, I go home and decide to feed the cat, whom I had asumed is mine now. Well, he talked to be. Aparently his name is Hunos. Can I really consider a talking cat my possession? It just doesn't seem right.

And who's to say he's not an evil talking cat? He's so sweet, though. And he talks. Ack.

I can't wait to see Andrea. She'll get a kick out of this.

By the way, what do talking cats eat?

My girlfriend is practicing battling with a vampirish woman in the forest. I decided to drop by, but stopped myself. Don't want to intrude...

I feel a bit left out, to tell you the truth. The last time I spent time with her, we kiss a while and then I left. It didn't feel wrong or anything, just leaving, but it was... I don't know.

I don't miss her as much as I thought I would, but it annoys me that she's wrestling with a woman who is much more able to defend herself than me. Hey, maybe she can tk stuff about and I can try to catch it in my talons. Heh. That wouldn't be the least bit pathetic.

Ok, I'm done.

Chloe! Tell The Voice how you're getting on!

Fucking wonderful.

Andrea cheats on me. I take her back. She considers leaving me again, is almost killed, then finally is back again. Everything is wonderful for all of... five minutes. Carys attacks and now she's being held hostage by the one she was going to leave me for. What the hell is wrong with her? I should leave her to die.

But I couldn't, I wouldn't, I won't. What the hell do I do? If Carys kills her, it'll be because of something I said, something I did wrong to provoke her. It'll be my fault. If she kills Andrea, she might as well kill me too. I'll deserve it.

Eh. The Voice is bored (not that The Voice has feelings) and would find it pretty amusing should you leave Andrea behind to die. She is after all a heartless bitch with no consideration for others.

Not that The Voice judges people.

There has to be something I can do to help her through this. She was freaking raped by that bitch and I couldn't stop it. I have to do something to help her somehow, especially since I... I failed at preventing it.

But what can I do? She's trying to forget it, to move on... If she's moving on, why can't I? She'll be okay... But... she wouldn't be in this pain if I had just been there, thrown more punches, fucking fought back. Who the fuck cares if she still... cared about Carys? I should have kept this from happening... I let her down.

She'll... She'll be fine. And I'm here. I'll be here.


But I can never forgive myself for letting this happen.

What's in the past is in the past, Chloe, and no amount of angsting over it will change it. What you need to focus on is the now, the here, the present. How can you help Andrea now? You two seem to be running around like headless chickens at the moment, don't you feel it'd be kinder on her to take the decisions off her shoulders for a while and take control of the situation? You've found out that Carys has escaped prison. You need to prepare for the very likely chance that she will find you.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Why did I come back here? It's the first day and I've already run into the one person I am in no way ready to see.


I came here because it's home. I came here because I was drawn back.

But for what?

FUCKING HELL.

Okay, it's okay. You can do this.

What the hell has happened in the past two years, Chloe?

You left.

Yeah, well. Why the hell did you leave? You left because you had no reason to stay. You left because your world fell down around you and you didn't know how, nor did you want to bother dealing with it.
Okay, now where were you? Where did you go? You went across the country. You met new people, became a new person. You experienced new things, slept with new woman with no lasting relationships. You actually made no lasting relationships of any sort. Not much to be proud of.

What could have been going on here? What happened to Andrea while you were gone? I don't even know... I remember waking up and feeling lost... Before than, I was... Before... Andrea kissed her.

I ran out after seeing Andrea kiss Julie. I ran out and I got creamed and then comatose and then I fly away without another word...

... *holds head in hands* Such a soap opera. Jesus.

Julie... I knew something would come of her. I've never let the thought come to be, but I'm not surprised. Andrea found comfort in her or got over me easily and just went for it. Maybe she was over me before I left and the tension is just guilt.

Unnecessary guilt. I'm the one who left. I'm the one who fled and then fucked and then came ambling back. Andrea's been living for two years while I've continued to drift away.

She's with Julie. I could be angry, but no. It's unfair. I left, I ditched. We could have been amazing and I let some glitch fuck it up. I didn't even let her explain and then I went and ran in front of a fast-moving vehicle... I should have never left.

Okay, I haven't gotten much of anything figured out. Not anything helpful.

Fuck it. We'll see how it goes.

So, you've got Jasmine in your apartment who is trying to deal with the sudden news of the death of her former significant other who she is still in love with and you explode with the letters from your former significant other who... you still love to some extent and completely like... have a breakdown.

Great job! Props to you.

Fucking idiot.

Jasmine... do I even want to go there? She's... funny and cute and...

Woah, Chlo. Just stop right there. You can't do this. You need to deal with the past still. Ignore it all you want, but doing so will definitely bring some ass-biting. Or something more coherent. And she's current suffering the loss of a seemingly unreconciled love. Leave this alone for now.

Don't fall at the worst possible time.

'Don't fall.'

Perfect advice. It hasn't been that long since this... whatever with Jasmine started. Sera is alive, Jasmine told me she loves her. Step out. You don't need this drama. You've avoided this kind of shit for two years now, and as soon as you get back, you start in at it again.

You should be focusing on yourself, your power, your skills. You should be working on defending yourself, not delving into this debilitating... useless thing that you just seem to attract.

You should contact Julie and get working on those classes.

Quite.