Luke's Ledger is an article which updates the week's happenings on ACW. Read it to fully catch up, or just enjoy his comments on the events. This is a few weeks old, but enjoy it all the same. You may comment on this piece. It doesn't have to be 'in character' as such, but post constructive comments about the article ONLY.


Issue One: February 1st 2005.


Previously, on A Charmed World...

Shut up. I've always wanted to say that.

I'd like to introduce myself before we begin this "journey" into the recent "events" within the World. My name is Lucas Morgenstern, your cruise director and I'm going to tell you...well, you know damn well what I'm going to talk about as I've already mentioned it.

Anyway, perhaps I should do my job and tell you bastards the current situations.

The most important members of the World, being the Charmed Ones, have had problems with staff in the past. Stalkers. Demons. And now, they have to deal with another bartender who screwed the warlock Moony on top of Piper's desk. These two fuckbuddies have had numerous encounters, you see. I'll summarize the basic aspect of their past for you: she's works with Cole Turner and is trying to ensure that the meddlesome witch does not get involved with his lover, Phoebe. The bartender, Petunius, has an unhealthy obsession over her despite the lack of chemistry between the two of them. I know all about "unhealthy obsessions" but that's for another time and place.

And that time and place is now! Don't you just love it when things come together like that? No? Well, the hell with you! I'm only kidding. Mostly. You see, my powers (both my cloning ability and my spellcasting) has been faulty as of late—clones didn't come out at my command or spells didn't work (and I don't mean my frequent backfires). Searching for help, I go off to Halliwell Manor to enlist the help of one of the Charmed Ones but I found the front door wide open and being the concerned citizen that I am, I snoop around the house looking for them. I end up the the Manor and skim through the Book of Shadows to find something to answer my questions about my powers, only to be sidetracked by a spell to summon the mighty Belthazor (for those who don't know this fact, which is all of you, with the exception of that Moony, he's Cole but shh...don't tell anyone!). Long story short, he kicked my ass and the Charmed Ones saved my life. Again. They stopped me from obsessing over Belthazor for a short time, which prompted me to go get a drink at P3. Little did I know was that Moony was getting her "drink" in Piper's office. I catch them. Blackmail him into helping me defeating Belthazor. I leave.

Realizing from the Wiccan that I was no match for that demon, I decided to rat Petunius out because we all know how much of a bastard that I am. No. Not ratting out. I "felt obligated to telling the Charmed Ones the truth because it's the least that I owe them". Naturally, it didn't pass well as they (and Vince) gave Petunius the benefit of the doubt. Paige leaves to check out the story, only to realize herself that it was the truth. At this point, she realizes that Petunius had cast a spell to ensure that Moony would stop stalking her and it ending up forcing them to be in the same room with one another at all times (this spell happened just before the office romp, by the way). Paige returns to the attic with them (by this time, yours truly had left) and initially offers to help until Piper, rightfully pissed, tells him that it is his problem. He has tried one spell thus far, but no result. And, oh yeah, Piper fired him.

Meanwhile, Lee continues and continues to cast stupid spells. After being tortured by the demonic dog-man hybrid known as Canis, Lee cast a spell to transform into a mangy mutt and somewhere along the road, he met with Lirie in the magic shop, who was there with her friends Patience Brookhaven and Valterra. Lirie names Lee "Thor" and Patience goes off to get her fortune read. The verdict? She's going to be pregnant in the near future, which was news to her as there was no man to speak of in her lack of a love/sex life. "Thor" caused a ruckus in the Magic Shop, spilling potions in an attempt to return to his true form. After becoming a lizard and a scorched duck with horns, he returned to his natural state and by that, I mean that. He was nekkid. Sorry for the visual there, guys. Long story short, the Wiccan told him that he owes him for the wasted inventory of broken potions and defiled robes.

A demon with lightning-based powers arrives just outside of the Magic Shop and attacked Patience. Lee, under delusions of grandeur, attacks the demon and dies. You actually thought that Lee vanquished the demon on his own? HA! Good one. The demon slipped on something that I can't remember right now and had an accidental death. Lee returns to his home and casts a non-sensical spell to take him to the Underworld. The result? A ginormous demonic plant destroying all of the contents in Lee's apartment and messing up Valterra's apartment some as well. Patience, being the domineering bitch that she is, dragged (natch!) Valterra to the fight and stood there gaping in horror. I was making potions in my lovely penthouse, annoyed by Lee's Britney Spears-esque sqeuals. Being the resident old, cranky guy of CW Apartments, I asked them nicely to turn the music down and by "nicely" I mean, banging on the door hard with one hand and an axe in the other. Long story short, I killed the demon plant with a spell, ended up with hair covering half of my body and Patience ended up a midget and receiving the ability to toss lightning bolts from a potion I "accidentally" threw at her.

Blah blah mental breakdown. Blah blah, fought my own hair. Let's move on.

Lee went to the Magic Shop to inform the Wiccan that he didn't have the means of paying her back, so she told him to fuck off. The curious, yet not-so-clever witch eventually fucked off to the whirlpool and cast a spell to allow him to breathe underwater. The spell worked and even after The Powers That Be told him twice that exploring the whirlpool would mean his death, he does it anyway and lo and behold, a sea monster attacks him.

Carys. Paz. Chloe. Bar. While Paz and Chloe converse with each other, Carys drinks and drinks...and drinks...

Shinji is looking for Lee at the moment, learning the art of scrying from the Wiccan. Awena is there as well.

And in a turn of spectacular events, Karen (if you don't know who she is, she is Carys' clone, resulting from a spell I stupidly cast ages ago to temporarily switch powers when Carys was a vampire and she happened to end up with my power and the reason she (Karen) is her own person now is because she drank the Wiccan's blood). So, if I were you, I'd get out your holy water and hang garlic on your doors and windows because she's one bitch you don't want to mess with...

I'd say that she has a master plan but that goes without saying.

I think that's all and tune in whenever for the second issue of Luke's Ledger.